INT. BUSY MULTI-CUBICLE OFFICE
Middle aged man at his computer, eating chili from a styrofoam container
(Suddenly stops with spoon full of chili halfway to his mouth, shifts his eyes both ways, raises his hip a bit, and rolls his eyes)
Perhaps you’ve known the shame and inconvenience of intestinal methane syndrome.
Other workers slowly raise their eyes, wrinkling their noses, shifting their eyes to and fro to see where the smell is coming from.
It’s hard in today’s world, because we share the air.
(Looks dejected and ashamed as two young, attractive women angrily peer over the side of his cubicle)
EXT. RAINY DAY AT A POLLUTED, TRASH-RIDDEN STAGNANT POND
A bullfrog covered with slime croaks with a flatulent sound, then sluggishly jumps into the filth. The pond scum slowly closes.
Intestinal methane syndrome affects millions of otherwise healthy people. The shame and sorrow of IMS is like a rainy day every day, inside and out… at home, at work, and at play.
EXT. SUN SPARKLES THROUGH TREE TOPS
A box fades into the foreground with the logo “Anafit,” and the subtext “Butolazine hydrate in acoustic suppressor”. Beneath that, “Searle Pharmaceuticals.” Butterflies begin flitting around the box.
Now, however, there is Anafit.
Anafit is a unique new product that combines an acoustic suppression device with an ionic compound that completely neutralizes the smell of instestinal methane, leaving only the faint scent of freshly boiled corn.
EXT. SUN SHINES DOWN ONTO A SPARKLING COY POND SURROUNDED BY A LUSH GARDEN
Brad sits relaxed on an outdoor bench, the same two young women from the earlier scene on either side, dressed like Stevie Nicks in flowing white robes, looking adoringly at Brad as they feed him chili from two golden bowls, obviously savoring the odorless air.
Now IMS sufferers can share the air with confidence. One Anafit device in the morning lasts all day and can be disposed of at bedtime, allowing you to work and play the Anafit way.
(Spoken rapidly) Anafit had side effects on 30 percent of test subjects. Side effects included painful accidental extrusion, insulin shock, ruptured hemmorhoids, genital herpes, rectal tearing, toe jam, irritation of the sigmoid colon, chapped lips, sudden death after blood pressure drops, flaring nostrils, suicidal ideations, sustained and painful erections, temporary blindness, punctured bladders, anal leakage, dandruff, stroke, loss of eyebrows, nervous tremors, hirsutism, navel lint, and three cases of spontaneous combustion. Do not use Anafit if you are using non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, herbal douches, cephalosporins, psillium laxatives, mascara, blood pressure medication, nitroglycerin, IUDs, saw palmetto, netti pots, or morphine. Do not drink milk or carrot juice when you are using Anafit. Do not use Anafit if you are breastfeeding or if you clean swimming pools. There are rare cases where Anafit devices have been anatomically engulfed during air travel and surgery was required to remove them.
(Speaking more slowly again) If you think you suffer from IMS, ask your doctor if Anafit is right for you.
EXT. SUNSET OVER A CLIFF ABOVE THE SEA
Brad, flanked by the two whitely flowing co-workers, in silhouette, hair blowing, with their arms raised toward the sky.
Anafit! Because you share the air!